13 classic ‘Curb Your Enthusiasm’ conundrums (TV commentary)

“Seinfeld” was one of the best shows of the ’90s because it explored minutiae; “Curb Your Enthusiasm” was one of the best shows of the Aughts (and will continue to be a top show of the ’10s) for the same reason, but also because it explores bigger societal issues. (And yes, as The Lonely Island recognizes, both shows are by Larry David!)

Here are my top 13 “Curb” explorations of minutiae, the not-too-controversial stuff that everyone has encountered at some point in their lives. My list goes through Season 6 because, inexcusably, I haven’t seen Season 7 (the “Seinfeld” season) yet.

Then I’ll be back with another post listing my favorite “big issues” explored in the series.

Typos in obituaries (Season 1’s “Beloved Aunt”) — The first letter in aunt is unfortunately replaced with a different letter in an obituary for Cheryl’s aunt. Who is to blame? And how should the situation be rectified?

Verdict: If it was the newspaper’s mistake, it should run a corrected obituary free of charge. If it was the funeral home’s mistake, it should pay to run a corrected obituary. There’s no reason to attack anyone personally, especially not Larry. And shouldn’t the fact that your loved one is dead trump all the small issues surrounding the funeral?

Receiving a defective gift (Season 3’s “Chet’s Shirt”) — As a gift, Larry gives Ted Danson a shirt that, upon closer inspection, has a hole in it. Is it Larry’s duty to replace the shirt, or Ted’s?

Verdict: This is a tricky one, because you could make a case for either side. I’m going to say that since the shirt is now in Ted’s possession, he should get it repaired or replaced (assuming Larry included a gift receipt), or do whatever he wants with it. It was rude of Ted to demand that Larry replace it. If Larry wanted to go the extra mile, he could get a new one for Ted, and that would be a nice gesture to smooth everything over. But he shouldn’t feel responsible.

Terrorist attack secret (Season 3’s “The Terrorist Attack”) — Larry hears a rumor of an impending terrorist attack on Los Angeles, and he tells some people (their lives might be at stake!), but not everyone (it’s a secret!). What’s more important — the information or the secret?

Verdict: Larry should tell anyone and everyone he wants to. No one should be asked to keep something like this a secret. On the other hand, if he thinks the rumor is bogus, he should keep it to himself, because why burden and confuse people? Obviously, he has doubts about the rumor, because he ultimately stays in town (after being pressured by Cheryl).

Singing “Happy Birthday” (Season 4’s “Ben’s Birthday Party”) — Larry offends birthday boy Ben Stiller by not singing the song along with the group. Should he have sung along, or at least mouthed the words?

Verdict: Larry should not have to sing, especially considering that it was a large party. Stiller is being ridiculous for both noticing it and calling him out on it. Larry not singing should not be construed as wishing ill will on Stiller; it simply means he’s not comfortable with group singing. It’s just like when a “Happy Birthday” breaks out for a stranger in Applebee’s. Sing if you want, but don’t feel obligated.

Switching to the front seat (Season 4’s “The Blind Date”) — After their companion in the passenger seat is dropped off, Larry refuses to switch to the front seat for a short drive, offending Ben Stiller, who says he now feels like a chauffer. Do you switch to the front seat in this situation?

Verdict: Switch to the front seat, even if it’s a short drive. It just seems weird to sit in the back when the front seat is open.

Anonymous donations (Season 6’s “The Anonymous Donor”) — Ted Danson is treated like a god because he makes an anonymous donation; Larry is treated like a pariah because he put his name on his donation. Is this reasonable?

Verdict: Larry is absolutely right that an anonymous donation really should be anonymous. At any rate, Danson’s donation shouldn’t be treated as being better than Larry’s; they should be praised equally. Ideally, Danson would’ve talked with Larry about this beforehand, then they could’ve both been anonymous or both put their names on it.

Dry cleaners losing items (Season 6’s “The Anonymous Donor”) — Usually “Curb” explores social oddities that I have encountered, but this is one that I learned about from the show: Apparently it’s an unwritten rule that if a dry cleaner loses one of your items, you are simply out of luck. And if they give you someone else’s item, it’s your lucky day — you can keep it. Is this “win some, lose some” approach the way to go?

Verdict: Larry is absolutely right. The dry cleaner owes him one vintage Joe Pepitone jersey (or its value in cash so Larry can replace it). In my view, the person who knowingly accepted the jersey from the dry cleaner is a thief.

A customer taking forever in line (Season 6’s “The Ida Funkhouser Roadside Memorial”) — Larry chews out a woman at an ice-cream shop who asks for samples of everything while Larry waits in line behind her. Was it his place to do this?

Verdict: Larry is absolutely within his rights to do this; he is standing up for himself, the employee behind the counter (who is trapped by the “customer is always right” rule); and everyone who has ever waited in line too long. Of course, it backfires on him when it turns out that he needs to be in this particular woman’s good graces, but that’s beside the larger point.

Asking for a doggie bag (Season 6’s “The Lefty Call”) — Susie asks for a doggie bag and admits that the food will go to her dog. The chef is offended. Should he be?

Verdict: The chef — while being overly sensitive — isn’t entirely wrong to take offense. I think tact is overrated, but this is a case where it is called for. The doggie bag exchange should be between the waitperson and the guest; if for some reason the chef demands an explanation for the doggie bag, the guest should say she intends to eat the food, even if it’s a lie.

Helping a service-industry worker (Season 6’s “The Freak Book”) — Larry wants to invite his limo driver into Ted Danson’s party and also relieve the bartender of having to wear a bowtie. Is this a case of appropriate concern for other human beings, or is Larry sticking his nose where it doesn’t belong?

Verdict: Although it was kind of silly of Danson to insist on bowties for the wait staff, Larry took the issue too far. It was small beans to the bartender; if it was a big deal, he wouldn’t have accepted the job. I can relate to Larry’s worry that the limo driver would be bored (I never like to be bored). But again, this guy is a professional limo driver; he knows what the job entails and he should bring magazines, books or music to entertain himself in the car. Ted had a good compromise: Bring a coffee out to the driver as a nice gesture. But really, Larry put himself in this situation of worrying about the driver. Perhaps there was some way that Larry could call the limo service when he was ready to be picked up. Or Larry and Cheryl could’ve taken a cab to the party and later called another one.

Dogs that look like rats (Season 6’s “The Rat Dog”) — On “Seinfeld,” Elaine and Jerry can’t stand to look at an ugly baby; at least they know not to comment on it. Larry tells a woman that her dog looks like a rat, because indeed, it does. Is it a harmless observation, or is it rude?

Verdict: You don’t have to lie and say it’s a cute dog, but don’t say it looks like a rat. Many people love their dogs like children. Larry might be right that if the woman wasn’t deaf she might’ve picked up on Larry’s jovial tone and not been so offended. At any right, it was an understandable mistake by Larry, and his apology should’ve ended the issue (but, of course, in true “Curb” fashion, the issue only gets more complex).

Getting friends after the break-up (Season 6’s “The TiVo Guy”) — The Davids split, and Cheryl gets pretty much all their friends in the break-up. Is this just the way it goes, or did Larry get snubbed?

Verdict: The Davids and Greenes are friends because Larry and Jeff are longtime friends. It’s wrong of Susie to tell Jeff that they are choosing Cheryl. But also, Jeff should’ve stood up for himself and continued to be Larry’s friend, especially at a time when he needs one. This episode shows the silliness of “choosing” between the two exes. If it’s a close call, just following the natural course of your relationship with the two people; eventually a winner will emerge. At any rate, if you think of all the couples you know, in most cases you can say right now which one you will choose after a theoretical break-up.

Participation in a benefit walk (Season 6’s “The Therapists”) — Marty Funkhouser “asks for” (basically, demands) an Alzheimer’s walk donation from Larry. Marty accepts the money for the foundation, but then doesn’t actually walk. Should Larry be angry?

Verdict: It’s a little weak that Marty doesn’t actually walk in the fundraiser, but strictly speaking, he is right: He already raised the funds, and that is the important part. I think this is a case of Larry being offended by the wrong thing. The way Marty strong-armed Larry for the donation was rude. Sure, you can give people a chance to donate to your cause, but pressure tactics are unprofessional and disturbing.

For more exploration of “Curb’s” issues — like restaurants where the tables are too close together, leaving an empty seat at a baseball game to honor the dead, or the social rules of the stop-and-chat — I highly recommend “Curb: The Discussion,” which airs in the last 15 minutes of each “Curb” rerun at 3 p.m. Central weekdays on TV Guide Channel.

Share your thoughts on these classic “Curb” conundrums in the comment thread below.