This week on ‘Lost’: You wanna see something awesome? (TV commentary)

I’m not an awards-show guy. If you’re perusing my blog archives looking for analyses of Oscars, Emmys or Grammys, you won’t find any. That having been said, someone needs to give Nestor Carbonell an award (even if it’s a worthless award like an Emmy) for his performance as Richard Alpert in “Ab Aeterno,” Tuesday’s episode of “Lost.”

Carbonell joined the cast back in Season 3, and he’s mostly had little bitty scenes here and there. Basically, we knew him as that guy with the Others who — for some unexplained reason — doesn’t age. (He looks about 40 when he gives a series of tests to a preteen Locke, and he still looks about 40 when he meets the adult Locke on the island).

Carbonell, as if he had been patiently biding his time for three years, gives a powerhouse turn as Alpert, a poor guy who has had a helluva time. The actor had always spoken straight-up English and generally appeared with a 5 o’clock shadow. In “Ab Aeterno,” he breaks out the thick Spanish and the thick beard.

We go back to medieval times and see Ricardus/Ricardo/Richard in a shack in the woods with his dying wife, Isabella (a name that sounds amazing with a Spanish accent, which is no doubt why the “Lost” writers chose it). After a failed bid to purchase medicine, Alpert accidentally kills a corrupt doctor. Next, we get a prison tower, a gloomy priest, a gallows, a journey to the New World via ship and a shipwreck on The Island. Oh, and throw in a healthy dollop of religious overtones from Jacob and the Man in Black for good measure.

The events in this episode and Carbonell’s wonderful performance aren’t so much awesome as they are a parody of awesome (which, to be clear, is still awesome). The other day, my cubicle neighbor Another Matt said, “You wanna see something awesome?” He showed me a desktop wallpaper of Batman fighting a shark underwater with a lightsaber.

Indeed, it was awesome, but it was kind of an obvious brand of awesome. Is the painting impressive because of the artist’s skill, or because of what’s in the painting (Batman, lightsaber, shark)?

Is “Ab Aeterno” effective because of the writing and acting, or because it answered the question “Why doesn’t Alpert age?”

The answer: A little of both.

As is often the case with “Lost,” the answer to the question isn’t a surprise. Why doesn’t Alpert age? Because Jacob blessed him with eternal life. That’s what I and everyone else would’ve guessed before the episode aired.

And yet — again, as is often the case with “Lost” — the answer to the question is compelling despite it’s obviousness.

Along with the Alpert backstory, “Ab Aeterno” features exchanges between Jacob and the Man in Black that are illuminating, if not surprising.

Jacob lures people to The Island — everyone he has lured there has ended up dead. He wants them to learn to help themselves, but they perpetually fail. Jacob might not be evil, but he’s not overtly good, either. He’s a passive observer. He behaves kind of like the God of the major Western religions.

The MIB has embarked on several evil acts: He has killed many people in his Smoke Monster guise; he tries to kill Jacob via Alpert, then later succeeds in killing Jacob via Ben. But it’s not necessarily because he is Evil Incarnate; it’s because he wants to get off the damn Island, where Jacob keeps him trapped. He’s kind of like the Devil of the major Western religions.

Now the MIB is in the process of departing the island, and as we’re told via Jacob’s cork-stoppered wine bottle metaphor in “Ab Aeterno,” that means Evil will be free to engulf the world. But the world already has plenty of evil people in it (see Kate’s stepdad, the conman who kills Sawyer’s parents, the guy who throws Locke out a window, etc.), so what does one more matter?

Although Jacob and the MIB are both supernatural beings, neither is intrinsically good or evil, and neither is morally superior to the average human being. In other words, they are just like you or me — if we could grant eternal life or turn into a smoky killing machine.

I also am more convinced than ever that “Lost” won’t have a grand “Wow! I didn’t see that coming!” type of final message. Rather, the series will merely end with a clarification of the theme of the whole series (and something we knew before “Lost” even started): Everyone has the capacity for both good and evil.

And to take it a step further: Our relative goodness should be measured by our actions, not what religion we belong to (or don’t belong to). Alpert, who had followed Jacob for decades before mulling a switch to the MIB camp this week, is guided by religion, but we can somewhat forgive him because of the era and culture he grew up in. Other than Locke and Eko, who are now both dead, the “Lost” characters are not a religious bunch; they are a pragmatic, real-world bunch. So they don’t need to be taught the lesson that “Lost” is imparting.

At this point, viewers don’t, either. The plot of “Lost” trails behind the themes of “Lost,” and because of that, we can’t be surprised by anything that happens anymore. It has been this way since at least Season 4. Also, because the writers want to impart the themes in a heavy-handed (albeit awesome) fashion, the plot moves really slowly. Doesn’t it seem like Ben killed Jacob ages ago and that the MIB should have piloted the submarine to the “New World” by now?

And yet, the slogging pace of the story doesn’t mean “Lost” can’t produce good episodes — indeed, every episode of Season 6 has been quite good.

So you wanna see something awesome? Watch Tuesday’s episode. Or look at a painting of Batman fighting a shark with a lightsaber.